One perk retired FIFA Referees have is access to press releases from Zurich. I am pleased to bring to your attention the following one, reproduced in its entirety, which features refereeing techniques actively encouraged by some assessors in this country. Read them with the pride that comes from knowing that the world pays attention to what we do on the fields of the U.S. of A.

LOL...Hillarious. The sardonic Dr. Evans is back at his post.
Posted by: GBL | August 04, 2008 at 07:18 PM
Your last sentence gave you away. I knew there was a fabrication on the way.
"Read them with the pride that comes from knowing that the world pays attention to what we do on the fields of the U.S. of A."
Posted by: Richard Gamboa | August 04, 2008 at 08:25 PM
I find the instructions very disturbing. Fail an assessment just because the coin hit the ground? I always catch the coin, but total failure by a minor event before the game?
Color matching whistles? Next will be a FIFA logo'ed whistle. That's all I need, three, no make that six (got to carry a spare) more whistles.
Do not enforce the laws unless asked? Which ones? Offside? Handballs? Encroachment? Intentional passbacks to the keeper?
Reward maintaining an artificially even foul count. Games will suffer and referees will be sacrificed when it is obvious certain fouls were called to keep the count 'even'.
In my opinion, there is way to much tinkering with the minor, less important aspects of the game and not enough teaching and training on the aspects that matter.
Posted by: Mike | August 05, 2008 at 12:13 AM
This is either late for 1 April 2008 or early for 1 April 2009.
Otherwise, ROTFLMAO.
Posted by: Brian Smith-White | August 05, 2008 at 05:07 AM
This is either late for 1 April 2008 or early for 1 April 2009.
Otherwise, ROTFLMAO.
Posted by: Brian Smith-White | August 05, 2008 at 05:07 AM
Wha-? Huh? What the...? Oh, I get it! :)
Posted by: JeffG | August 05, 2008 at 06:38 AM
Haha, that memo started off a bit odd. I was thinking, "seriously? FIFA is going a bit loony" then as the points progressed the sarcasm was quite apparent and I had a good chuckle.
Posted by: Brett G | August 05, 2008 at 01:01 PM
This sure reads like sarcasm... PLEASE tell me I am reading this properly as sarcasm.
Posted by: Jason S | August 05, 2008 at 05:11 PM
Bob --
thanks for passing along another communique from FIFA. Like the last, there's much here to think about. I guess, however, FIFA knows best!
Posted by: SDC | August 05, 2008 at 07:13 PM
Bob, how have you been since ODP camp? I find that article very interesting to say the least. Could explain point number 5 to me? What does it mean by "enforce the laws unless one team requests it by appealing during a stoppage of play."
Posted by: Josh M. | August 06, 2008 at 07:24 AM
Bob,
Your tongue must get tired being planted so firmly in your cheek. Great stuff!!
Posted by: Pete Becklett | August 06, 2008 at 02:11 PM
I like #2 the best "Instructed not to touch the balls" lol
Posted by: Doug Goldberg | August 07, 2008 at 12:20 PM
I can't believe anyone took this as being real. Well done!!
Posted by: keith contarino | August 08, 2008 at 05:07 PM
Well played, Dr. Evans.
If you'd not given up the jest at the last, this could have become a hoax that would have persisted for years.
Still, prepare yourself for multiple rebuttals.
Kudos
Posted by: Jim Lavigne | August 08, 2008 at 07:10 PM
You forgot the instructions to the ARs:
1) Please wait until three defenders have their arms up before calling offsides.
Posted by: Maurice | August 15, 2008 at 04:39 PM